If you had asked me one year ago what my path would be, I might tell a very different story. Offering you the narrative that implied that I had my shit together. In the quest for the ‘white picket fence life’ that evaded me in my youth, I was en route to becoming a mother – full on in the ‘trying’ phase. Married to a loving and loyal husband. A proud homeowner and landlord in Toronto’s red-hot real estate market. We had it made. I was a successful career woman, about to become partner in a production company with a long-standing reputation. Wearing the sleepless nights and bustling days like badge of honour.
And yet, the grander my castles in the sky became, the more unsettled I began to feel - a trembling of the heart and a growing turmoil in the gut. My body began to say no. So, I ventured inwards, entering into the shadowy places that I had run from. Noticing what arose as the space opened up. It was in this place of radical receptivity that I began listening to the whispers of my heart - now becoming a deafening roar. And like a row of dominoes, the unfolding picked up pace. Tired of resisting the currents of life, I had no choice but to enter into the flow and embrace the unknown.
Fast forward to today (June 28, 2017). Sitting in an airport halfway around the world, about to dive deeper into an advanced yoga teacher training in Bali. Answering the hearts calling. And contemplating it all.
Now legally separated from my husband/ partner of six years. I have wilfully transitioned from being a homeowner and landlord to a condo renter with a roommate. Professionally, no longer of the 9-5 world, I have relinquished a well paying full-time salaried position as a corporate video producer.
But these are also just narratives.
And amidst all the separation that has taken place over the past few months, I have tasted the sweet nectar of non-separateness. The more I try to untangle myself, the deeper the roots intertwine. Held in the support of community. Riding the waves that always find their way back to the shore. I see now that what seems like relationships ending, and chapters closing, is anything but. This is simply one moment of continuation in a journey that was never mine to grasp on to. As one of my teachers Michael Stone says, “life wants to live through you”. And so it is. An ebb and flow of energy in motion, it was never about me.
So, with gratitude for it all, I humbly bow to all my fellow travellers in this journey of life. May it continue to unfold with honesty, curiosity, and compassion. May we continue to wake up together, united by the heart’s primal pulse, listening to the whispers of our deepest wisdom.
For you. For me.
For all beings.